Nadiah Alwi

It hurts so bad, I would cry all day long. But, crying can’t change anything — although it does make me feel a lot better. I simply have to keep on living, forgetting it, pretending that it never existed.

When I was younger, I dared to dream. I had lots of it. And, most came true. Lucky, aren’t I?

But now, life seems to give me a chance to understand itself better. As if it wanted to say that what you went through was too easy. Let’s got to the real part.

I can’t tell how I deal with it. How I go through it all, what I learn from it all. I simply still don’t know.

It’ a process. And, it includes forgetting a dream — or at least not to think of when it will finally come true, if it will.

So, I’m letting go of this particular dream. And, maybe also other dreams. Don’t know yet.

Yet, don’t let it control you. Fight as hard as possible. Don’t just give up.

But, to be honest, somehow I wish I could control it. Stop things. Or, stop the time, just like a sitcom I used to watch when I was a teenager.

You know what, I even feel like I can’t control my own self — and I wish to control the world?!

Maybe, it’s because I was raised to always do things the right way, the way it’s supposed to be.

“You shouldn’t have done it like that. You must do this. It’s supposed to be done like this, not the way you did it. Etc.”

And, I wish I could have controled things today. Avoid something from happening, push one to do something. Yet, I couldn’t. So,  how did I fight all those? Simply by forgetting it — or try my best to forget it, to be exact.

There is no better way. If you can’t control the world, just let it be, let if flow. Then, forget it. Save your energy for something else, or to make your own self happy.

Probably. Don’t know. I guess so.

I’m a person who feels and thinks too much. I know, it’s killing me. But, changing is not that easy.

Hubby is an easy-going kind of person. Somehow, he has been influencing me. Yet, things are getting rough lately. So, I’m kinda back to how I was.

A friend asked me to help him find a book for his friend. A self-development book. I did help him search on the net. I couldn’t find what he was looking for. Yet, I found a book that I thought would be perfect for me.

“Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff” by Richard Carlson. Since I couldn’t get the book in an instant (right now). I googled it. And found these lines:

“The solution here is to catch yourself when you fall into your habit of insisting that things should be other than they are. Gently remind yourself that life is okay the way it is, right now. In the absence of your judgment, everything would be fine. As you begin to eliminate your need for perfection in all areas of y…our life, you’ll begin to discover the perfection in life itself.”

Oh my…exactly what I need. Not that am a perfectionist. It’s just, lately, I’ve been thinking that things should be other than they are. And, my mind would wander. Full of imagination.

After reading that particular line, I knew right away that I have fallen into the habit of insisting that things should be other than they are. And, I have to catch myself.

Hopefully, soon I can stop sweating the small stuff and live this life happily, no matter how it is.

Picture belongs to nj.com.

I think I have written something like this before if I’m not mistaken — on other blogs I guess. About me and my Mom. But, now, I feel like writing again.

Mom is stubborn, yet very kind.

And, I happen to be stubborn, a bit kind, and expressive in terms of showing my emotion (read: dislikeness / anger).

I’m more like my Dad. When I don’t like something or someone, it shows. While Mom can perfectly hide her emotion.

Mom has been telling me to be more like her. It’s not that I never try. I do try, most of the time. But, I’m not her. I’m a different person –  which I’ve been trying to tell her a lot of time.

However, since I respect Mom so much, I do what she wants me to do. Even if I don’t like something or someone, I hide it, trying my best not to let others know what I think and feel.

I’m not saying it’s easy, no. On the contrary, I find it kinda difficult. Especially when I see Mom being disregarded by people to whom she is being nice . You’re being nice to others and they treat you bad instead. That’s sad.

Well, I might not always be able to please my Mom. But, I try my best. And, in a way, I adore her for being the way she is. It takes a big big heart to be a very kind person.

Love you, Mom!

As we all know, Ramadhan means you have to manage your emotion, including your anger.

Yet, since breaking my fasting this evening, there had been 2 stuff that drove me mad.

The first one, I dealt with it by phone. The second one, on the net.

Both are repetition. That’s why I got very angry about them. They could actually have been prevented. Both persons could have done them right. Yet, they just didn’t. Out of ignorance.

According to a friend to whom I talked about it earlier, what happened was simply a test for me in this holy month. Have I been able to manage my emotion?

I don’t think I was 100% failed the test. I did state my concern over the problem. Yet, I did it quite politely.