Nadiah Alwi

I am watching Oprah now – yes, I still am, it was started only half an hour ago. And, as usual, this wonderful show can make me shed tears.

It’s about a mom who had to do lots of surgeries after giving birth. Worse, she got her hands and feet amputated.

Yet, she’s been very strong in dealing with all that. She never gave up. She admitted that she had cried a lot, too, but she knew that life had to go on.

Oh, how I am inspired by her strength. I have been dealing with things that are a lot easier to handle than her things but all I did was complaining. I feel ashamed now.

But, I think, after watching her there, I know I have to be strong.

You know what, in your life, everything happens for a reason. This Oprah show, in a way, I feel like it is a way Allah (my God) tells me something, a way Allah wants me to understand the situation.

Another thing, yesterday, I had this conversation with someone. It was kind of a professional discussion. But, you know what, she was talking about stuff and she chose an analogy that was exactly what I had been trying to deal with lately.

She opened my eyes without knowing that I had this issue. Isn’t that amazing? I think, Allah must have sent her to me. You know what, the appointment, at the first place, was actually canceled. Yet, suddenly, this person’s secretary told me that her boss would be able to make it.

Oprah just said, “Mother Warriors!” and, I feel like she just called me that, too. ME. Yes, ME. It could be the words of Allah, too, an answer to my prayer this dawn — we Muslims, have 5 times of prayer a day, one of them has to be done before the sunrise.

It’s over, Oprah Show. And, just now, I saw commercial break on Rachel Ray. I don’t want to miss that one, too, as I love seeing her cooking. I never really cook, but, I never give up on hoping that one day, I will be able to cook delicious meals for my family. Yeah

No one told me that he was there. So, when I came home, it was a surprise seeing him standing there, by the window. I looked around, looking for Mom. She was not there.

“Where is Mom?” I asked.

“She went to Lisa’s.”

Lisa was Mom’s best friend.

“Why do you come here?”

“To apologize.”

“After these five years, you think, it’s that easy?”

“I had no choice.”

“Whatever!”

He grabbed my hand, right when I was about to leave the house. Then, those images came to my mind, those that hurt me most.

“Let me go!”

“You have to know the truth.”

“I know the truth.”

“No, you don’t.”

He held me tight. I tried to free myself, but failed.

“She cheated. That’s why I left.”

His voice was like thunder in my ears.

“What?!”

“I wanted to take you with me. But, at that time, you hated me. You saw me slapping her. But, that was because she was cheating. So, I had to leave. I was totally hurt.”

He let me go, but I didn’t run.

“Dad?”

He hugged me. I hugged him back. Just like old times. Then, his story flew like all the water in the river, ended in my heart. I saw him differently. Yet, I didn’t know how I would see my Mom after all his explanation.

Would she be guiltier than him? Or, was he guiltier for telling all those right when I managed to heal my broken heart after he left?

I just didn’t know.

Remember my post on self-discipline? There, I wrote that I wished to be a disciplined writer.

Now, it’s time for me to make a short-term review. Weekly Review.

On the first days, I didn’t write that much. But, since last Saturday or Sunday, I’ve been writing a lot. And, I like that.

Currently, I’m working on two scripts, non-fiction and fiction.

The non-fiction is tempting yet not simple. Not only because it’s my first long non-fiction project, but it’s also on somebody else’s life. I just have to do it right.

The fiction is wonderful. I love it. Yet, I had to make decisions on how the characters should deal with their goals and problems. And, I have to say that it’s not easy. I hate making decisions!

However, both went quite ok. I have written about 50% of each, non-fiction and fiction. My goal, by the end of the month both will be completed. And, I can do the editing on the first week of May.

I can’t say that I’m disciplined enough but it’s a lot better than before.

Most important, I love doing both. A little discipline will make the process perfect.

I don’t know about the result, whether the readers would love them or not, but at least, I ‘m doing my very best!

I’m reading a book about a girl whose father passed away and mother left her and her two siblings in their Great GrandMa’s.

She has to be strong for her sister and brother. And, she is a very strong kid. Love her.

She affects me a lot. If she can be that strong, I should be able to be even stronger.

So, here I am, trying all I might to be a strong person.

That is why I love reading so much. And, I make my daughter to have the same feeling towards books and reading.

I’ve been introducing her to both since she was in my belly. And, now, she is crazy about books.

She will be five in June. No, she can’t read yet. But, she knows several simple words–in Indonesian, of course. I just don’t want to push her too much.

She learns reading through games that I invent. And, I believe that one day, she will get there. She will. So, why worry too much?

Most important, she loves books. What’s the point of being able to read without that love?

I hope, one day, she will read my collection of books. I have prepared some for her. And, I want her to be a great person because she reads those great books.

If she’s down, she reads a book, and she will feel better afterwards. Or, when she feels weak, she reads a good book, and she’ll be strong.

Like now, how that book I’m reading managed to affect me in such a positive way.

She always calls me ‘Love‘. Yet, I know, she never means it. That’s the hardest part.

Her love is somewhere, in someone else’s heart.

I only have her body. I thought that would be enough, I thought, I had won. But, I was wrong.

She does call me ‘Love‘. But, she never loves me. Yet, I don’t care. A white lie is enough.

Call me a fool, ’cause I am one.

~ a fool man, the foolest on earth ~