Nadiah Alwi

I agree that you can’t push someone to love another one. Love has to flow, just like that. It’s the fruit of your heart, not your mind.

But, there were times when I used my mind to create love. Weird, isn’t it? But, it worked. Using my mind, I set boundaries on how to love and who to love.

Not easy, I have to admit. But, I could.

Being married for seven years now, I am more sure that love can be created using logical thought.

Somehow, men do it, I guess. In Indonesia, people say that love comes from eyes and goes down to your eyes. What do your eyes see? Beauty. And, your mind starts to say, “Hey, she’s pretty. I like her.” So, it’s a work of mind, isn’t it?

My parents’ marriage, to be honest, was set. It was my parents’ parents who made the decision. Yet, they survive up until now. Also some people I know. It’s not that they don’t have love in their beautiful marriage. But, they started it without love. Love grew after the wedding.

I, thankfully, started my marriage with love. But, during these 7 years, I also have to recharge it again and again to survive. So, my point is, with or without love, it depends on how much you want to make it work.

And, most people depending their marriage simply on love didn’t make it. But, those depending on something else did. For example, those depending on the commitment, not only to their spouse but also to God, to Allah. And, from the way I see it, marriage is not only a commitment with another human being, but also with your creature. If it were only with another person, why don’t you just live together, there is no big difference anyway — in terms of what your heart says, if you know what I mean.

To be honest, the boundaries I talked about previously had been set by my family. At first, I felt burdened. But, after thinking about them all carefully, I understood their points. And, I didn’t want to lose them by ignoring those boundaries — yes, there were chances that I might lose them if I did. It was a win-win solution for both them and me that I decided to go with those boundaries. Thankfully, I met someone that I could fall in love with. Someone within the boundaries. I guess, to fall in love, you have to let yourself fall in love.

And, let’s just admit it, sometimes, marriage — especially  in my country, it’s not only between two persons. It takes a whole bunch of big family — although now it not as big as some years ago, which included some extended family, now mostly only your nuclear family. So, I wouldn’t be happy if I couldn’t include my family on my happiest day a.k.a wedding day. So, yes, I wanted my family, too.

Why suddenly do I talk about love and marriage? I just feel like it. Hm…ok, I admit it. I have just seen a possibility that someone I know might be ignoring boundaries set by his/her family. She/he looks happy. But, I was wondering how her/his parents would react if they knew it.

I know, it’s none of my business. That’s why I didn’t say a thing to either of them and decided to just let go of my agony on that matter here, at my own blog a.k.a home.

Normally, writing would heal. Let’s see if this one does.

I think I have written something like this before if I’m not mistaken — on other blogs I guess. About me and my Mom. But, now, I feel like writing again.

Mom is stubborn, yet very kind.

And, I happen to be stubborn, a bit kind, and expressive in terms of showing my emotion (read: dislikeness / anger).

I’m more like my Dad. When I don’t like something or someone, it shows. While Mom can perfectly hide her emotion.

Mom has been telling me to be more like her. It’s not that I never try. I do try, most of the time. But, I’m not her. I’m a different person –  which I’ve been trying to tell her a lot of time.

However, since I respect Mom so much, I do what she wants me to do. Even if I don’t like something or someone, I hide it, trying my best not to let others know what I think and feel.

I’m not saying it’s easy, no. On the contrary, I find it kinda difficult. Especially when I see Mom being disregarded by people to whom she is being nice . You’re being nice to others and they treat you bad instead. That’s sad.

Well, I might not always be able to please my Mom. But, I try my best. And, in a way, I adore her for being the way she is. It takes a big big heart to be a very kind person.

Love you, Mom!

Just now, I met my Dad, a man of almost 63 years old with his past long experience as an employee.

While me, I’m a work at home mom. For the time being, I’m not planning to go back working at the office after being sent home last February because the company was in crisis.

And, you know what he asked me?

“Don’t you apply again?”

I was silent for a few seconds. Then, I answered, “No.”

“Why?”

“If I do apply and get hired again, I can’t take other jobs the way I do now.”

Currently I work for someone, building an online store. I only work from Monday to Wednesday, 9 to 5, from home. So, Thursday to Sunday, I can take other jobs — mostly translating.

My Dad was speechless. He knows that when I made my decision, no one can change that but me.

So, hopefully, my plan works, so he doesn’t ask again. I know he was only being a caring Dad.

And, I went to an exhibition today. I learned that by being creative you can survive. You don’t have to work for other people. I love the idea.

Hope I can be THAT creative.