What do you see in him?

In my opinion, husband-and-wife relationship is a very personal matter. You can’t share it with just anyone. In my religion, it’s even better to keep it for yourself.

I have a friend who told me that she regreted telling her marriage problem to another friend of hers. ‘Coz, instead of simply listening — as how she wanted it — the friend judged her.

“What do you see in him? Just leave him.”

My friend was stunned. She didn’t expect such a response.

Is it that easy leaving a marriage? All she wanted was someone to listen to her, to give her a ‘lil bit of empathy.

Oh, dear friend. You shouldn’t have told her about it at the first place. What happen to you and your hubby is your secret to keep. Unless, you can’t help it anymore. But, it’s better to seek some solutions from an expert, for example, or some marriage counselor. Because, you never know how people might react to your story.

And, I told her. “Dear, if ever you get such a question again, make sure you answer it the right way.”

“How?” she asked.

“Say: I see what you don’t see.”

She gets quiet.

It is true, rite? That when you decide to stay in a marriage, there are things that only you can see, that make you survive no matter what. Well, maybe it’s for the kids. Or, maybe, it’s simply him (or her). Something in your spouse that in your eyes still has values.

So, just be careful in telling people about what happen between you and your husband.

Picture by: Brano Hudak, Slovakia

Mom in the Hospital

It’s been a week since my Mom got hospitalized. It’s been 10 days since I first took care of her, after my brother told me that Mom was not feeling well.

Now, she is in bed, sleeping in front of me.

As far as I remember, this is the second time she has to stay in the hospital. Before, it was 2004. She had some surgery. At that time, I was pregnant, so I couldn’t accompany her in the hospital.

But now, out of 10 days she has been sick, only 1 day I spent the night at home with my daughter and hubby. It was yesterday. Simply because my daughter told me that she missed me so much. However, my heart was actually in the hospital with my Mom.

Mom being sick never occurred in my mind before. She is a very strong woman. Let’s say, she’s not feeling well, it doesn’t stop her from doing lots of activities. She always has something to do. Especially, cooking.

She just loves food and cooking. Everything she makes tastes delicious.

Now, she has diabetes. She is on a diet.

She is still sleeping in front of me, in the hospital bed — and my Dad, too, sleeping on the couch.

Hope tomorrow she can go home. Aamiin.

House or Home?

What I love with English is it has two different terms one can use to define a place where he/she lives in. Why is it so important for me? Because, I feel like now I live in a house which I cannot call home. And, for me, that is quite sad. Because, previously, I did call it home.

I used to live here since I was three days young up to one week after my marriege which was when I was 26 years old. After the marriage, I rent a house. But then, about two years later, I had to go back to this house for some reasons.

And, now, after almost four years living here again, I feel like there is such a big gap between me and this house. We both, in a certain way, distance ourselves from each other.

Me with my big desire to have a house of my own, and the house itself with its different proprietor.

Actually, there are many things that make me sad about living here. One of them is how this house reminds me a lot of my late beloved grandparents. Yes, it was their home, with me in it. Now that they are gone and this house providing various memories on each of its corners, the comfot I used to feel has gone.

I also have this big dream of my own house. A big dream of a small comfy house. I don’t need a big one, because I know I have only little time and energy to clean up the whole house. And, I also want it to be warm. It’s not that big house cannot provide warmness. It can, but with lots of members of family living in it. I wish to have it with my small nuclear family, consisting of not more than 4 persons, hubby, me, my daughter, and maybe my second child.

I don’t know how, but I still hope and pray that one day, this beautiful dream will come true. With the love of Allah, insya Allah, I will have a place that I can call home — again.

Love and Marriage – in my eyes

I agree that you can’t push someone to love another one. Love has to flow, just like that. It’s the fruit of your heart, not your mind.

But, there were times when I used my mind to create love. Weird, isn’t it? But, it worked. Using my mind, I set boundaries on how to love and who to love.

Not easy, I have to admit. But, I could.

Being married for seven years now, I am more sure that love can be created using logical thought.

Somehow, men do it, I guess. In Indonesia, people say that love comes from eyes and goes down to your eyes. What do your eyes see? Beauty. And, your mind starts to say, “Hey, she’s pretty. I like her.” So, it’s a work of mind, isn’t it?

My parents’ marriage, to be honest, was set. It was my parents’ parents who made the decision. Yet, they survive up until now. Also some people I know. It’s not that they don’t have love in their beautiful marriage. But, they started it without love. Love grew after the wedding.

I, thankfully, started my marriage with love. But, during these 7 years, I also have to recharge it again and again to survive. So, my point is, with or without love, it depends on how much you want to make it work.

And, most people depending their marriage simply on love didn’t make it. But, those depending on something else did. For example, those depending on the commitment, not only to their spouse but also to God, to Allah. And, from the way I see it, marriage is not only a commitment with another human being, but also with your creature. If it were only with another person, why don’t you just live together, there is no big difference anyway — in terms of what your heart says, if you know what I mean.

To be honest, the boundaries I talked about previously had been set by my family. At first, I felt burdened. But, after thinking about them all carefully, I understood their points. And, I didn’t want to lose them by ignoring those boundaries — yes, there were chances that I might lose them if I did. It was a win-win solution for both them and me that I decided to go with those boundaries. Thankfully, I met someone that I could fall in love with. Someone within the boundaries. I guess, to fall in love, you have to let yourself fall in love.

And, let’s just admit it, sometimes, marriage — especially  in my country, it’s not only between two persons. It takes a whole bunch of big family — although now it not as big as some years ago, which included some extended family, now mostly only your nuclear family. So, I wouldn’t be happy if I couldn’t include my family on my happiest day a.k.a wedding day. So, yes, I wanted my family, too.

Why suddenly do I talk about love and marriage? I just feel like it. Hm…ok, I admit it. I have just seen a possibility that someone I know might be ignoring boundaries set by his/her family. She/he looks happy. But, I was wondering how her/his parents would react if they knew it.

I know, it’s none of my business. That’s why I didn’t say a thing to either of them and decided to just let go of my agony on that matter here, at my own blog a.k.a home.

Normally, writing would heal. Let’s see if this one does.

It’s Me and Not Her

I think I have written something like this before if I’m not mistaken — on other blogs I guess. About me and my Mom. But, now, I feel like writing again.

Mom is stubborn, yet very kind.

And, I happen to be stubborn, a bit kind, and expressive in terms of showing my emotion (read: dislikeness / anger).

I’m more like my Dad. When I don’t like something or someone, it shows. While Mom can perfectly hide her emotion.

Mom has been telling me to be more like her. It’s not that I never try. I do try, most of the time. But, I’m not her. I’m a different person –  which I’ve been trying to tell her a lot of time.

However, since I respect Mom so much, I do what she wants me to do. Even if I don’t like something or someone, I hide it, trying my best not to let others know what I think and feel.

I’m not saying it’s easy, no. On the contrary, I find it kinda difficult. Especially when I see Mom being disregarded by people to whom she is being nice . You’re being nice to others and they treat you bad instead. That’s sad.

Well, I might not always be able to please my Mom. But, I try my best. And, in a way, I adore her for being the way she is. It takes a big big heart to be a very kind person.

Love you, Mom!