Nadiah Alwi

I like Baze better. But, choosing Ryan is more logical. Oh, yes, by the way, I have just watched “Life Unexpected” on Hallmark.

Choosing Baze would be perfect because he’s the father of Lux. So, Cate, Baze, and Lux can be one great family.

But, somehow, Ryan seems to be more responsible. He has a steady job and…what else? I don’t have anything to say about Ryan. I can’t think of anything interested or nice about Ryan. Even as a radio host, he doesn’t sound cool enough. Oh, I know. He’s more mature than Baze.

And, now, Baze…he’s a bad boy — my type of man *wink-wink*. Yet, he tries all his might to be a better man. To be more responsible of his life, of Lux’s life. And, lately, he’s been so protective to Cate. And, he’s cute!!! Look at the picture!

Considering my previous post, where I talked about love and marriage, about how both could be logical. Well, choosing Ryan is more logical than choosing Baze. But, I like Baze better than Ryan.

LOL. As if I were the one who had to make the decision. I know, I’m being Cate here.

Whenever I watch drama series or movies, or read books about love, life, and family, I almost always pretend — consciously or unconsciously — that I were the main character. I feel what he/she feels. I cry with him/her. I laugh, too. I even get mad as well.

I don’t know, it’s like fiction is my other life. Just like dreams. Today, I tweeted about dream. That dream is the medicine for boredom. I mean, sometimes, you get bored with your daily routine, with your life. And, dreams heal. You get excited again. That works the same way with series , movies, and books. So, I don’t think I can live without any of them.

Back to Baze and Ryan. Who will be the one walking down the aisle with me Cate?

Cate and Ryan’s marriage is only days away.

Let’s see. If I were the writer, what would I do? Where would I lead the story to?

• It’s predictable, on the D-Day, it would be Baze marrying Cate.
• Quite predictable, Baze would tell Cate about his feeling but it was too late, Cate was ready to walk down the aisle with her mother (that she has just asked).
• Unpredictable but somehow predictable, the wedding would be canceled for some unpredictable reasons. And, things would just be the same. Love triangle is back. Baze, Cate, and Ryan. LOL.

Enough for now. I think I have to mind my own writing instead of trying to guess what’s in another writer’s mind. Plus, I’m kinda hungry. Need to grab some food. Ciao!

Oh, btw, I missed the final episode of “Parenthood”! I hate it! I have to watch the rerun this Saturday Sunday. Gotta put on the alarm so I won’t miss it.

Now, I really have to go…a plus!

Note: Baze’s pic from Daemonstv.com and the other pic from Tvguide.com. I resized them a bit though.

I agree that you can’t push someone to love another one. Love has to flow, just like that. It’s the fruit of your heart, not your mind.

But, there were times when I used my mind to create love. Weird, isn’t it? But, it worked. Using my mind, I set boundaries on how to love and who to love.

Not easy, I have to admit. But, I could.

Being married for seven years now, I am more sure that love can be created using logical thought.

Somehow, men do it, I guess. In Indonesia, people say that love comes from eyes and goes down to your eyes. What do your eyes see? Beauty. And, your mind starts to say, “Hey, she’s pretty. I like her.” So, it’s a work of mind, isn’t it?

My parents’ marriage, to be honest, was set. It was my parents’ parents who made the decision. Yet, they survive up until now. Also some people I know. It’s not that they don’t have love in their beautiful marriage. But, they started it without love. Love grew after the wedding.

I, thankfully, started my marriage with love. But, during these 7 years, I also have to recharge it again and again to survive. So, my point is, with or without love, it depends on how much you want to make it work.

And, most people depending their marriage simply on love didn’t make it. But, those depending on something else did. For example, those depending on the commitment, not only to their spouse but also to God, to Allah. And, from the way I see it, marriage is not only a commitment with another human being, but also with your creature. If it were only with another person, why don’t you just live together, there is no big difference anyway — in terms of what your heart says, if you know what I mean.

To be honest, the boundaries I talked about previously had been set by my family. At first, I felt burdened. But, after thinking about them all carefully, I understood their points. And, I didn’t want to lose them by ignoring those boundaries — yes, there were chances that I might lose them if I did. It was a win-win solution for both them and me that I decided to go with those boundaries. Thankfully, I met someone that I could fall in love with. Someone within the boundaries. I guess, to fall in love, you have to let yourself fall in love.

And, let’s just admit it, sometimes, marriage — especially  in my country, it’s not only between two persons. It takes a whole bunch of big family — although now it not as big as some years ago, which included some extended family, now mostly only your nuclear family. So, I wouldn’t be happy if I couldn’t include my family on my happiest day a.k.a wedding day. So, yes, I wanted my family, too.

Why suddenly do I talk about love and marriage? I just feel like it. Hm…ok, I admit it. I have just seen a possibility that someone I know might be ignoring boundaries set by his/her family. She/he looks happy. But, I was wondering how her/his parents would react if they knew it.

I know, it’s none of my business. That’s why I didn’t say a thing to either of them and decided to just let go of my agony on that matter here, at my own blog a.k.a home.

Normally, writing would heal. Let’s see if this one does.

Totally missing it. Blogging.

I used to blog to let go of my tense. And, now, I am tensed. So, I blog.

What to write? Honestly, I still don’t know. Have some ideas in mind but none of them seems to be good enough. And, to be honest, that’s why I don’t blog much these days — plus, of course, the facebook thing, you know…

So, now, I want to go back to my blogging life. Here and the other blogs I have. Now, at least, I have like 4 of them — my daughter has 3, so…my having 4 blogs is nothing compared to hers.

Blogging — or writing — is a part of me I can never get rid of  — bcoz, of course, I don’t want to and I love it. Every time I write, I feel this certain feeling which is both fulfilling and relieving. It’s like I fly to the moon doing it — it’s too much, isn’t it?

Mostly, I write fiction. I even blog some of my fiction work. Yet, I actually love both, fiction and non-fiction. However, I am a bit picky when it comes to non-fiction — both while writing and reading it.

By the way, I love reading, too. As much as I love books. I guess, I love books more than reading ‘coz I have so many books, yet about 2 out of 5 of them are still on the waiting list. I just don’t have enough time to read them all.

I used to have an online book store — it still exists now, I just don’t have time to take care of it the proper way. Do you think I just sell those books there? I used to sell second hand books. It was lovely providing people with books they love. Bcoz I know exactly how they feel. I feel it, too, whenever I have new books.

Hm…seems like my talking here is not about missing my blog anymore — which is the title of this post. But, hey…it’s my blog, it’s up to me how I express myself. Plus, not many read this blog anyway. If you happen to be one of those not many people, hope you don’t mind all my brag here. If you do mind it, well…sorry — I was about to say ‘I didn’t ask you to come over, you came here on your own call,’ but then I thought about it and it wasn’t polite enough, so sorry seems to be a better choice.

Anyway, gotta go. I have a 6 years old who needs help to get ready for bed. See you on the next blogging session — if there was a you.

PS: The pic doesn’t say anything about my missing the blog, but it shows how my daughter and I love to be on the same frame.

I remember when I was little, I could imagine anything. Just like Barney always says:

Just imagine all the things that we could be / Imagine all the places we could go and see / Imagination’s fun for you and me…

I like all Barney songs. I sing them with my daughter. Too bad, they make me forget that I’m no longer a kid. Kids can imagine anything. Their imagination is limitless. While, as a big girl, my imagination has too many limitations.

Kids still have hopes on what they will find when they grow up. And, I’m a grown up, and I think I know what I won’t find now.

No regret though, simply a silly envy — so silly coz when I was little, I envied grown ups.

It hurts so bad, I would cry all day long. But, crying can’t change anything — although it does make me feel a lot better. I simply have to keep on living, forgetting it, pretending that it never existed.

When I was younger, I dared to dream. I had lots of it. And, most came true. Lucky, aren’t I?

But now, life seems to give me a chance to understand itself better. As if it wanted to say that what you went through was too easy. Let’s got to the real part.

I can’t tell how I deal with it. How I go through it all, what I learn from it all. I simply still don’t know.

It’ a process. And, it includes forgetting a dream — or at least not to think of when it will finally come true, if it will.

So, I’m letting go of this particular dream. And, maybe also other dreams. Don’t know yet.