Nadiah Alwi

It’s only 1 day away from my birthday. My 32nd now.

I don’t know how I should see this birthday. I don’t even know what to do on that particular day. Should I hold a party — a small one, only family included? Or, should I simply give myself a me-time? Or, I’ll just let it go by?

Well, I have prepared some kind of a celebration at my online store. And, I guess my online life would be pretty hectic that day — thanks to facebook.

Yet, I’m talking about my offline life — I can’t say ‘real’ life ‘coz anyhow my online life is in a way as real or even more real than my offline life.

I was thinking about having this contemplation time just like th eold time when I was early 20. However, at that time, I was comtemplating about what would I become.

Now,  I don’t know yet what I would become. But, I’m not searching anymore.

Well, let’s see if I can think of something excited for me to do on that special day. I doubt it though. I have a feeling it will just go by, it will just be the same as other ordinary days. So what if it is?

My job makes me wander around blogs with posts on home interior. Oh, they have so many pics with beautiful homes. I have to try not to droll seeing them.

Talking about home, I might have to say goodbye to the house in which I live for almost all my life — I only lived in another house for 2 years, and I moved back in this house. I am so sad about it. But, unfortunately, I have no choice. It’s not mine.

I can’t tell you the reason. It’s private.

Moving out of this house, I might have to live in another house which is not mine either otherwise I have enough money to buy a house of my own. Amin to that.

Back to those blogs. They have these great pictures — I told you about it, I know, I just am so excited about it, I feel like telling you again — of pretty houses. Those are how I want my house to look like.

Yet, only God knows when that dream would come true or if it ever will.

Back to the house I live in now, I feel so sad for having to leave all the sweet memories behind. So sad.

I am watching Oprah now – yes, I still am, it was started only half an hour ago. And, as usual, this wonderful show can make me shed tears.

It’s about a mom who had to do lots of surgeries after giving birth. Worse, she got her hands and feet amputated.

Yet, she’s been very strong in dealing with all that. She never gave up. She admitted that she had cried a lot, too, but she knew that life had to go on.

Oh, how I am inspired by her strength. I have been dealing with things that are a lot easier to handle than her things but all I did was complaining. I feel ashamed now.

But, I think, after watching her there, I know I have to be strong.

You know what, in your life, everything happens for a reason. This Oprah show, in a way, I feel like it is a way Allah (my God) tells me something, a way Allah wants me to understand the situation.

Another thing, yesterday, I had this conversation with someone. It was kind of a professional discussion. But, you know what, she was talking about stuff and she chose an analogy that was exactly what I had been trying to deal with lately.

She opened my eyes without knowing that I had this issue. Isn’t that amazing? I think, Allah must have sent her to me. You know what, the appointment, at the first place, was actually canceled. Yet, suddenly, this person’s secretary told me that her boss would be able to make it.

Oprah just said, “Mother Warriors!” and, I feel like she just called me that, too. ME. Yes, ME. It could be the words of Allah, too, an answer to my prayer this dawn — we Muslims, have 5 times of prayer a day, one of them has to be done before the sunrise.

It’s over, Oprah Show. And, just now, I saw commercial break on Rachel Ray. I don’t want to miss that one, too, as I love seeing her cooking. I never really cook, but, I never give up on hoping that one day, I will be able to cook delicious meals for my family. Yeah

Currently, I work at home. I run an online book store, do some digital PR consultancy, write a novel and a non-fiction book. I need more than 24 hours a day, for sure. Thankfully, I enjoy them all.

Yet, although I work at home, it doesn’t mean that I can be with my daughter the whole day. With all those activities, it’s kinda impossible. So, I created some kind of an arrangement.

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What would you do when things don’t work out right?

If you’re just a little kid, maybe you would just cry. Grown-ups will fix them for you.

But, hey, you’re not a kid. You’re the grown-ups. So, you are supposed to do the fixing.

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