Nadiah Alwi

It hurts so bad, I would cry all day long. But, crying can’t change anything — although it does make me feel a lot better. I simply have to keep on living, forgetting it, pretending that it never existed.

When I was younger, I dared to dream. I had lots of it. And, most came true. Lucky, aren’t I?

But now, life seems to give me a chance to understand itself better. As if it wanted to say that what you went through was too easy. Let’s got to the real part.

I can’t tell how I deal with it. How I go through it all, what I learn from it all. I simply still don’t know.

It’ a process. And, it includes forgetting a dream — or at least not to think of when it will finally come true, if it will.

So, I’m letting go of this particular dream. And, maybe also other dreams. Don’t know yet.

I think I have written something like this before if I’m not mistaken — on other blogs I guess. About me and my Mom. But, now, I feel like writing again.

Mom is stubborn, yet very kind.

And, I happen to be stubborn, a bit kind, and expressive in terms of showing my emotion (read: dislikeness / anger).

I’m more like my Dad. When I don’t like something or someone, it shows. While Mom can perfectly hide her emotion.

Mom has been telling me to be more like her. It’s not that I never try. I do try, most of the time. But, I’m not her. I’m a different person –  which I’ve been trying to tell her a lot of time.

However, since I respect Mom so much, I do what she wants me to do. Even if I don’t like something or someone, I hide it, trying my best not to let others know what I think and feel.

I’m not saying it’s easy, no. On the contrary, I find it kinda difficult. Especially when I see Mom being disregarded by people to whom she is being nice . You’re being nice to others and they treat you bad instead. That’s sad.

Well, I might not always be able to please my Mom. But, I try my best. And, in a way, I adore her for being the way she is. It takes a big big heart to be a very kind person.

Love you, Mom!