Nadiah Alwi

Happy fasting everyone!

I started this fasting month being sick. The first week, I haven’t had my appetite back. It was hard. But, the good thing is I LOST WEIGHT. Isn’t it great?

I lost about 3 - 4 kg. Enough to make about 8 people notice the changes. Yet, my hubby said that he didn’t notice it because the weight lost was not significant. How could he?!

Well, now I gain back my appetite — not my weight I hope. Yet, I’m still not feeling good. My health is kinda up and down. Also my hubby’s and my daughter’s. I’d rather blame the weather. One day, it rains heavily, the other day it feels as if the sun is only 10 cm away. Can you imagine how hot it is?

Enough complaining. Now…smile!

BTW, I’ve been writing again. The latest novel I’m working on. I’ve reached page 109. I think I want to make it about 200 pages. Or, at least 100.

It’s about a man of 27 years of age. Yup, the main character is a man. So, I have to delve into man’s thought. How one would react to a situation. How he sees things. It’s a challenge. But, I like it. Wondering how men actually think.

Now, about me. Life has not been easy. But, I’m trying to work it out to make it better so I won’t have to complain a lot. I hate complaining but I just can’t help it. But, hey, life doesn’t mean that everything goes the way you want it. Life means, just live with it. And, try to be happy. So, let’s try.

About books. It’s been a while since I really read. But, luckily, the publisher I’ve been working with has just contacted me again to review one book that they plan to publish. At least, I have to read. I give myself one week. I think, I’ll make it. I kinda like the way the story is told. Not a famous writer, but I like the style.

About being a woman. I have just bought 2 blouses. I don’t do it often. Buying clothes and not only 1. So, why doing it? It’s almost Idul Fitri. I know, it’s not about new clothes. But, I want to honor the day by looking nice. I bought a white one and a flowery one. Let’s see, if I look good in both, I’ll share the pics here. If not, then…I won’t.

So, I think, that’s it. Enough for today. The only reason I decided to blog here today was simply because I’ve got an e-mail saying that there was a comment at my old blog, http://nadnuts.blogspot.com/. That made me miss blogging. So, here I am, writing one right after I completed my work.

About my work, I’ll write about it more some other time. I have a lot to tell you about it. It has something to do with Indonesian culture. I love it.

Anyway, gotta go now. Gotta prepare myself for fast breaking (is it the right term am using for buka puasa?). Ciao!

Note: picture by Tracy Carpena from Philippines. It’s tea, a drink that I normally have for fast breaking (just cmiiw about this term ok? ;)).

Frankly speaking, this is not my first, yet I can’t tell you how many teeth had gone out of my mouth though. Yes, I’ve just got my tooth taken!

One thing for sure. Getting your tooth taken is worse than giving birth — talking about the take and give here ;). After a labor, you have a gorgeous little baby with you. Yet, this…no baby. No tooth! What you’ve got is only gum that hurts a lot. And, yes, of course, blood.

Now I’m eating rice congee. Not actually eating it, I simply swallow it.

Mom made her famous delicious risoles and sent some for me. And, there is no way I can eat them. Not even one!

Too much complaining, aren’t I? But, hey, I think I have the right to do so. Considering that I have just lost a tooth. Oh my, it still hurts. Hm…yes, I have taken the pills that the dentist gave me. Hope they do their job well. They did this afternoon.

Now, will you excuse me, I need to take a rest — although, to be honest, writing and/or working helps get rid of the pain a bit.

[Picture by Tory Byrne]

I need to grumble.

I dreamed of my grandma last night and it was kinda painful bcoz, again, we had to be separated. We both cried. And, I miss her so much now. You know what, an Indonesian psychic, Mama Lauren, just passed away. And she did look like my grandma. Well, I don’t know what seems to be the connection between the two facts that I wrote just now. But, I just happened to watched on TV the news about her passing.

And, I just did what I always hate to do. I had to teach my daughter a lesson that buying snacks, of which you don’t know the ingredients, from the hawkers might be dangerous. I wished I didn’t have to be that angry, but it was for her own good. Yet, before she went to school, I kissed her all over and she hugged me.

And, I’m reading this wonderful classic book translated to Indonesian by a good friend and published by Orange Books — of which my other good friend is the CEO — titled Pollyanna. I’m glad that they decided to translate and publish this book.

The main character, Pollyanna — of course it’s her, otherwise the title would be someone else’s name — has this wonderful game, the Glad Game. About being happy and grateful about your life even if there are some misfortunes ahead of you.

Frankly speaking, there are things that I’m not grateful about. And, now I learn a lot from that girl, Pollyanna. I’ll be trying to play the Glad Game so my morning posts at this blog won’t be all about me grumbling. But, hey, I’d rather spill it out, than carry them all out like the kid on the picture.

Oh, I miss my grandma and daughter now. *sigh*

[Picture by: Asif Akbar]

To really be beautiful not just think that you’re beautiful or hear someone say you’re beautiful  once in a blue moon. To be beautiful like everywhere you go people say, “What do you want, beauty?” or “You always look pretty no matter what you wear…” or things like that.

I really want to know. Does it make you feel superior? Or, simply happy about it ‘coz it eases your life, somehow? Or, you wish you look just like other girl? Yeah, right!

And, no, I’m not beautiful. And, yes, I sometimes can look pretty. But, not like the first time people look at me, they would think, “Damn, this girl is pretty!” No. Even if at the end they say, “She’s pretty enough,” it needs like a few minutes before they realize it.

So, don’t laugh or, worse, feel sorry for me for asking the question I currently use as the tittle of this post. ‘Coz, it simply comes out of my curiousity. You know, curiousity kills the cat. If it seems like I’m pointing a gun at my own head by asking the question, well…you see it the wrong way.

Anyone got an answer?

I remember when I was little, I could imagine anything. Just like Barney always says:

Just imagine all the things that we could be / Imagine all the places we could go and see / Imagination’s fun for you and me…

I like all Barney songs. I sing them with my daughter. Too bad, they make me forget that I’m no longer a kid. Kids can imagine anything. Their imagination is limitless. While, as a big girl, my imagination has too many limitations.

Kids still have hopes on what they will find when they grow up. And, I’m a grown up, and I think I know what I won’t find now.

No regret though, simply a silly envy — so silly coz when I was little, I envied grown ups.