House or Home?

What I love with English is it has two different terms one can use to define a place where he/she lives in. Why is it so important for me? Because, I feel like now I live in a house which I cannot call home. And, for me, that is quite sad. Because, previously, I did call it home.

I used to live here since I was three days young up to one week after my marriege which was when I was 26 years old. After the marriage, I rent a house. But then, about two years later, I had to go back to this house for some reasons.

And, now, after almost four years living here again, I feel like there is such a big gap between me and this house. We both, in a certain way, distance ourselves from each other.

Me with my big desire to have a house of my own, and the house itself with its different proprietor.

Actually, there are many things that make me sad about living here. One of them is how this house reminds me a lot of my late beloved grandparents. Yes, it was their home, with me in it. Now that they are gone and this house providing various memories on each of its corners, the comfot I used to feel has gone.

I also have this big dream of my own house. A big dream of a small comfy house. I don’t need a big one, because I know I have only little time and energy to clean up the whole house. And, I also want it to be warm. It’s not that big house cannot provide warmness. It can, but with lots of members of family living in it. I wish to have it with my small nuclear family, consisting of not more than 4 persons, hubby, me, my daughter, and maybe my second child.

I don’t know how, but I still hope and pray that one day, this beautiful dream will come true. With the love of Allah, insya Allah, I will have a place that I can call home — again.

Privacy

Tell me, do you have a facebook account? Do you tweet? Or, own a blog?

I do. And, these days, I feel uncomfortable about them. Mostly, the first two. It gets just too personal.

I mean, blogging is different. Not many people blog. And, most people I know, don’t. And, they never took the time to check it out. So, so far, I’ve been having the chance to just express myself. And, those visiting my blog mostly are people I don’t personally know.

But, things are different with the social media and the so called information media — which I think, now has turned into social media anyway. My contacts there are people I know. Plus, they have both in one simple instrument to sign themselves in, mobile phone or even smart phone.

Or, some spend extra time getting online with their computer or notebook — just like I do most of the time, which I might consider to stop now.

Previously, I was thinking about getting myself a smart phone. But now, I’d rather not. I’m quite fine with my current mobile phone. I am not too mobile anyway. I can get online at home like 24 hours a day as I work at home and don’t go out much. And, with my plan to stop or at least reduce the use of social or information media, the smart phone would be useless.

I’d rather save the money to make my other dreams come true.

Back to privacy. Now, I feel like the social media grabs away my privacy. And, on the contrary, it fills me in with unnecessary information about my contacts which are supposed to be their privacy. Isn’t that weird? I personally find it weird.

At the era before social media existed, I was fine not knowing anything about those people I know. I was okay to only know things that they tell me. But, now, their not telling me seems to be a wrong gesture from their part. And, they seem to also think the same way about me.

Sometimes back, a friend of mine hide his/her FB. Deactivate, isn’t it, what they call it? I didn’t get it — especially because he/she told me that he/she had deleted the account. Why would you get disconnected from your contacts? They’re your networking.

But, hey, now I do understand. Things happen. Not only the good ones, but also the bad ones. So, if you decide to hide under your warm invisibility cloak just like Harry Potter did, I think, it’s acceptable.

Look, even in YM, I choose to be unseen anyway.

Talking about being invisible, I took a first step of my staying away from the big world of social media by hiding my wall at facebook. Inspired by my elementary school buddy. And, I don’t get online as much as I did.

We’ll see where this ends up at, where I end up, at this digital world.

[Picture by Stephen Eastop, Melbourne, Australia]

Alone

I eventually realized that, no matter what, you are actually ALONE. Not really ALONE, knowing that God is always with you. But, ALONE here means no other human being.

Hm…I myself even found it hard to explain — you should see how confused I get with this ALONE explanation on the next paragraphs. LOL.

I had this idea when I found out that the older people get, the more complicated they become. And, the complication, at the end, affects their relationship with others. Either friendship, family, or even marriage.

Why complicated? Because, the older you get, the more you have seen, felt, and thought about. It somehow creates a new you. Yet, this new you comes slowly, you don’t realize that you have changed.

These changes sometimes are hard to accept. People who know you prefer the old you. But, they actually have changed, too. And, they just don’t know it — just like you. And, you also wish that they remain the same. Just like the one you knew let’s say 10 or 20 years ago?

Is that possible? I doubt it. People change. And, yes, they get complicated, too. And, they get more unique.

Look at kids or teenagers. Watch a group of kids playing or teenagers hanging out. They act, dress, and talk almost the same. Because, they just haven’t lived long enough to witness the craziness of this world.

While older people, they have seen, felt, ant thought a lot — just as I mentioned earlier. And the way they see, feel, and think about things is not the same from one to another. At the end, this differences are what make them unique. And, at the end, alone.

I used to have a group of friends, we used to hang out together occasionally. But, now, each of the members has changed, each totally lives a different life from the other. And, hanging out together is not the same anymore.

But, it is simply my thoughts from what I experienced. Other people might go through different things and they turn out not to feel ALONE.

Or, maybe the word ALONE doesn’t fit this silly explanation. I don’t know. I think, I might need to search other word(s) that would go along with all my ramblings in this post.

And, by the way, none of them is important. Sorry, if you happen to read it. It’s just me, being confused. However, I’ve warned you on the second paragraph of this post. So, I’m not responsible of your being confused, too, reading all these.

Ok. Basta!

[Picture by: Belovodchenko Anton, Russia]

Simply: ME

Happy fasting everyone!

I started this fasting month being sick. The first week, I haven’t had my appetite back. It was hard. But, the good thing is I LOST WEIGHT. Isn’t it great?

I lost about 3 – 4 kg. Enough to make about 8 people notice the changes. Yet, my hubby said that he didn’t notice it because the weight lost was not significant. How could he?!

Well, now I gain back my appetite — not my weight I hope. Yet, I’m still not feeling good. My health is kinda up and down. Also my hubby’s and my daughter’s. I’d rather blame the weather. One day, it rains heavily, the other day it feels as if the sun is only 10 cm away. Can you imagine how hot it is?

Enough complaining. Now…smile!

BTW, I’ve been writing again. The latest novel I’m working on. I’ve reached page 109. I think I want to make it about 200 pages. Or, at least 100.

It’s about a man of 27 years of age. Yup, the main character is a man. So, I have to delve into man’s thought. How one would react to a situation. How he sees things. It’s a challenge. But, I like it. Wondering how men actually think.

Now, about me. Life has not been easy. But, I’m trying to work it out to make it better so I won’t have to complain a lot. I hate complaining but I just can’t help it. But, hey, life doesn’t mean that everything goes the way you want it. Life means, just live with it. And, try to be happy. So, let’s try.

About books. It’s been a while since I really read. But, luckily, the publisher I’ve been working with has just contacted me again to review one book that they plan to publish. At least, I have to read. I give myself one week. I think, I’ll make it. I kinda like the way the story is told. Not a famous writer, but I like the style.

About being a woman. I have just bought 2 blouses. I don’t do it often. Buying clothes and not only 1. So, why doing it? It’s almost Idul Fitri. I know, it’s not about new clothes. But, I want to honor the day by looking nice. I bought a white one and a flowery one. Let’s see, if I look good in both, I’ll share the pics here. If not, then…I won’t.

So, I think, that’s it. Enough for today. The only reason I decided to blog here today was simply because I’ve got an e-mail saying that there was a comment at my old blog, http://nadnuts.blogspot.com/. That made me miss blogging. So, here I am, writing one right after I completed my work.

About my work, I’ll write about it more some other time. I have a lot to tell you about it. It has something to do with Indonesian culture. I love it.

Anyway, gotta go now. Gotta prepare myself for fast breaking (is it the right term am using for buka puasa?). Ciao!

Note: picture by Tracy Carpena from Philippines. It’s tea, a drink that I normally have for fast breaking (just cmiiw about this term ok? ).

Bye2 Tooth!

Frankly speaking, this is not my first, yet I can’t tell you how many teeth had gone out of my mouth though. Yes, I’ve just got my tooth taken!

One thing for sure. Getting your tooth taken is worse than giving birth — talking about the take and give here . After a labor, you have a gorgeous little baby with you. Yet, this…no baby. No tooth! What you’ve got is only gum that hurts a lot. And, yes, of course, blood.

Now I’m eating rice congee. Not actually eating it, I simply swallow it.

Mom made her famous delicious risoles and sent some for me. And, there is no way I can eat them. Not even one!

Too much complaining, aren’t I? But, hey, I think I have the right to do so. Considering that I have just lost a tooth. Oh my, it still hurts. Hm…yes, I have taken the pills that the dentist gave me. Hope they do their job well. They did this afternoon.

Now, will you excuse me, I need to take a rest — although, to be honest, writing and/or working helps get rid of the pain a bit.

[Picture by Tory Byrne]