Choosing Baze would be perfect because he’s the father of Lux. So, Cate, Baze, and Lux can be one great family.

But, somehow, Ryan seems to be more responsible. He has a steady job and…what else? I don’t have anything to say about Ryan. I can’t think of anything interested or nice about Ryan. Even as a radio host, he doesn’t sound cool enough. Oh, I know. He’s more mature than Baze.

And, now, Baze…he’s a bad boy — my type of man *wink-wink*. Yet, he tries all his might to be a better man. To be more responsible of his life, of Lux’s life. And, lately, he’s been so protective to Cate. And, he’s cute!!! Look at the picture!

Considering my previous post, where I talked about love and marriage, about how both could be logical. Well, choosing Ryan is more logical than choosing Baze. But, I like Baze better than Ryan.

LOL. As if I were the one who had to make the decision. I know, I’m being Cate here.

Whenever I watch drama series or movies, or read books about love, life, and family, I almost always pretend — consciously or unconsciously — that I were the main character. I feel what he/she feels. I cry with him/her. I laugh, too. I even get mad as well.

I don’t know, it’s like fiction is my other life. Just like dreams. Today, I tweeted about dream. That dream is the medicine for boredom. I mean, sometimes, you get bored with your daily routine, with your life. And, dreams heal. You get excited again. That works the same way with series , movies, and books. So, I don’t think I can live without any of them.

Back to Baze and Ryan. Who will be the one walking down the aisle with me Cate?

Cate and Ryan’s marriage is only days away.

Let’s see. If I were the writer, what would I do? Where would I lead the story to?

• It’s predictable, on the D-Day, it would be Baze marrying Cate.
• Quite predictable, Baze would tell Cate about his feeling but it was too late, Cate was ready to walk down the aisle with her mother (that she has just asked).
• Unpredictable but somehow predictable, the wedding would be canceled for some unpredictable reasons. And, things would just be the same. Love triangle is back. Baze, Cate, and Ryan. LOL.

Enough for now. I think I have to mind my own writing instead of trying to guess what’s in another writer’s mind. Plus, I’m kinda hungry. Need to grab some food. Ciao!

Oh, btw, I missed the final episode of “Parenthood”! I hate it! I have to watch the rerun this Saturday Sunday. Gotta put on the alarm so I won’t miss it.

Now, I really have to go…a plus!

Note: Baze’s pic from Daemonstv.com and the other pic from Tvguide.com. I resized them a bit though.

But, there were times when I used my mind to create love. Weird, isn’t it? But, it worked. Using my mind, I set boundaries on how to love and who to love.

Not easy, I have to admit. But, I could.

Being married for seven years now, I am more sure that love can be created using logical thought.

Somehow, men do it, I guess. In Indonesia, people say that love comes from eyes and goes down to your eyes. What do your eyes see? Beauty. And, your mind starts to say, “Hey, she’s pretty. I like her.” So, it’s a work of mind, isn’t it?

My parents’ marriage, to be honest, was set. It was my parents’ parents who made the decision. Yet, they survive up until now. Also some people I know. It’s not that they don’t have love in their beautiful marriage. But, they started it without love. Love grew after the wedding.

I, thankfully, started my marriage with love. But, during these 7 years, I also have to recharge it again and again to survive. So, my point is, with or without love, it depends on how much you want to make it work.

And, most people depending their marriage simply on love didn’t make it. But, those depending on something else did. For example, those depending on the commitment, not only to their spouse but also to God, to Allah. And, from the way I see it, marriage is not only a commitment with another human being, but also with your creature. If it were only with another person, why don’t you just live together, there is no big difference anyway — in terms of what your heart says, if you know what I mean.

To be honest, the boundaries I talked about previously had been set by my family. At first, I felt burdened. But, after thinking about them all carefully, I understood their points. And, I didn’t want to lose them by ignoring those boundaries — yes, there were chances that I might lose them if I did. It was a win-win solution for both them and me that I decided to go with those boundaries. Thankfully, I met someone that I could fall in love with. Someone within the boundaries. I guess, to fall in love, you have to let yourself fall in love.

And, let’s just admit it, sometimes, marriage — especially  in my country, it’s not only between two persons. It takes a whole bunch of big family — although now it not as big as some years ago, which included some extended family, now mostly only your nuclear family. So, I wouldn’t be happy if I couldn’t include my family on my happiest day a.k.a wedding day. So, yes, I wanted my family, too.

Why suddenly do I talk about love and marriage? I just feel like it. Hm…ok, I admit it. I have just seen a possibility that someone I know might be ignoring boundaries set by his/her family. She/he looks happy. But, I was wondering how her/his parents would react if they knew it.

I know, it’s none of my business. That’s why I didn’t say a thing to either of them and decided to just let go of my agony on that matter here, at my own blog a.k.a home.

Normally, writing would heal. Let’s see if this one does.

I started this fasting month being sick. The first week, I haven’t had my appetite back. It was hard. But, the good thing is I LOST WEIGHT. Isn’t it great?

I lost about 3 - 4 kg. Enough to make about 8 people notice the changes. Yet, my hubby said that he didn’t notice it because the weight lost was not significant. How could he?!

Well, now I gain back my appetite — not my weight I hope. Yet, I’m still not feeling good. My health is kinda up and down. Also my hubby’s and my daughter’s. I’d rather blame the weather. One day, it rains heavily, the other day it feels as if the sun is only 10 cm away. Can you imagine how hot it is?

Enough complaining. Now…smile!

BTW, I’ve been writing again. The latest novel I’m working on. I’ve reached page 109. I think I want to make it about 200 pages. Or, at least 100.

It’s about a man of 27 years of age. Yup, the main character is a man. So, I have to delve into man’s thought. How one would react to a situation. How he sees things. It’s a challenge. But, I like it. Wondering how men actually think.

Now, about me. Life has not been easy. But, I’m trying to work it out to make it better so I won’t have to complain a lot. I hate complaining but I just can’t help it. But, hey, life doesn’t mean that everything goes the way you want it. Life means, just live with it. And, try to be happy. So, let’s try.

About books. It’s been a while since I really read. But, luckily, the publisher I’ve been working with has just contacted me again to review one book that they plan to publish. At least, I have to read. I give myself one week. I think, I’ll make it. I kinda like the way the story is told. Not a famous writer, but I like the style.

About being a woman. I have just bought 2 blouses. I don’t do it often. Buying clothes and not only 1. So, why doing it? It’s almost Idul Fitri. I know, it’s not about new clothes. But, I want to honor the day by looking nice. I bought a white one and a flowery one. Let’s see, if I look good in both, I’ll share the pics here. If not, then…I won’t.

So, I think, that’s it. Enough for today. The only reason I decided to blog here today was simply because I’ve got an e-mail saying that there was a comment at my old blog, http://nadnuts.blogspot.com/. That made me miss blogging. So, here I am, writing one right after I completed my work.

About my work, I’ll write about it more some other time. I have a lot to tell you about it. It has something to do with Indonesian culture. I love it.

Anyway, gotta go now. Gotta prepare myself for fast breaking (is it the right term am using for buka puasa?). Ciao!

Note: picture by Tracy Carpena from Philippines. It’s tea, a drink that I normally have for fast breaking (just cmiiw about this term ok? ;)).

Yet, this one is Sambosa, Sambousa, Samosa with cheese. The filling still contains of green chilly, onion, and meat (plus curry kind of ingredients). Yet, they add cheese inside.

So yummy!

Actually, I wanted to buy the cheese only filling as one that I have tried at my autie’s.  So when I saw the word cheese on the package, I expected the cheese only Sambosa, Sambousa, Samosa. But this one is good enough.

Sambosa, Sambousa, Samosa is a Middle East food. Why so famous in Indonesia? At least for some Indonesians? Because, here, in this country, there are many people originated from Middle East. Including my anchestors.

So, yes, I’m kinda half Arabian. Also my hubby. That’s why, other than Sambosa, Sambousa, Samosa, we’re also used to other Arabian food, like kebuli rice, tomato rice, lamb marak (something like soup but with rich Arabian ingredients), halua, etc.

I think I might share more Arabian food here…we’ll see :D. But, please note…I can’t make any of them. All I can do is enjoy them.

Kembang Tahu is the Indonesian language version of Tauhue which is actually Chinese dessert. How does it looke like? You’re lucky. I’ve just bought it! Check out:

How does it taste?

You will have layers of soft — very very soft — tofu which are poured with the sauce. The sauce is made of ginger (so it feels warm in your mouth), pandan leaves, palm sugar. These are the ingredients I can guess. I think they may have added something else.

And the sauce is normally served hot. So, people usually buy it whenever it’s cold or raining.

Today, it doesn’t rain. But, I feel like I need some warm up after getting busy doing the laundry which made my feet a bit cold because of the water getting out of my old washing machine. Plus, I’ve been having headache these few days. Maybe it would help, I thought.

So I called the street vendor walking in front of my house with the sound teng-teng-teng, which is the typical sound of street vendors selling tauhue — because there are lots of street vendors in Indonesia…and they have their own unique sound that they make by either beating the spoon onto the plate, or the cart, or anything. The sounds could be ting-ting-ting, tuk-tuk-tuk, and many more, and we all are very aware of each.

But, then… after bringing it into the house, I remember this blog. I felt like I had to share this yummy thing here. So I took a picture or two of this kembang tahu a.k.a tauhue.

And, when I finally ate it…it turned a bit cold already. Too bad. But, hey, that leaves me with a reason to buy it again tomorrow! But, so sorry, I won’t take any picture of it ‘coz I will enjoy my kembang tahu ASAP!

So, what’s on the menu today?

Mine is ketan urap. What is ketan urap? It’s sticky rice with grated coconut topping as shown on the picture below:

Normally, people eat that with nut sauce like 0n this picture below — the way my husband likes it:

But, my grandpa made my enjoying sticky rice more colorful. He ate that with rendang (delicous meat with coconut milk cooked for a long long time ’til it’s dark brown — but not burnt out), empal or dendeng (yummy meat cooked twice, first with coconut milk — how we Indonesian love coconut milk, then fried ’til it’s dark brown — but, again, not burnt out), or fried salted fish.

Yesterday I ate it with rendang. Let’s see how I mix the sticky rice today. Only with nut sauce?

With fried meat?

With fried salted fish?

Or, with both fried meat and fried salted fish?

You’re right! Both. But not at the same time. Once the sticky rice got into my mouth with the fried meat, and the next with the fried salted fish. Both are yummy!

What did you have on the menu for breakfast today?

I used to blog to let go of my tense. And, now, I am tensed. So, I blog.

What to write? Honestly, I still don’t know. Have some ideas in mind but none of them seems to be good enough. And, to be honest, that’s why I don’t blog much these days — plus, of course, the facebook thing, you know…

So, now, I want to go back to my blogging life. Here and the other blogs I have. Now, at least, I have like 4 of them — my daughter has 3, so…my having 4 blogs is nothing compared to hers.

Blogging — or writing — is a part of me I can never get rid of  — bcoz, of course, I don’t want to and I love it. Every time I write, I feel this certain feeling which is both fulfilling and relieving. It’s like I fly to the moon doing it — it’s too much, isn’t it?

Mostly, I write fiction. I even blog some of my fiction work. Yet, I actually love both, fiction and non-fiction. However, I am a bit picky when it comes to non-fiction — both while writing and reading it.

By the way, I love reading, too. As much as I love books. I guess, I love books more than reading ‘coz I have so many books, yet about 2 out of 5 of them are still on the waiting list. I just don’t have enough time to read them all.

I used to have an online book store — it still exists now, I just don’t have time to take care of it the proper way. Do you think I just sell those books there? I used to sell second hand books. It was lovely providing people with books they love. Bcoz I know exactly how they feel. I feel it, too, whenever I have new books.

Hm…seems like my talking here is not about missing my blog anymore — which is the title of this post. But, hey…it’s my blog, it’s up to me how I express myself. Plus, not many read this blog anyway. If you happen to be one of those not many people, hope you don’t mind all my brag here. If you do mind it, well…sorry — I was about to say ‘I didn’t ask you to come over, you came here on your own call,’ but then I thought about it and it wasn’t polite enough, so sorry seems to be a better choice.

Anyway, gotta go. I have a 6 years old who needs help to get ready for bed. See you on the next blogging session — if there was a you.

PS: The pic doesn’t say anything about my missing the blog, but it shows how my daughter and I love to be on the same frame.

Nothing is more important than the child(ren)’s happiness for parents. At least, every time I see my daughter’s smile, I feel like everything is okay.

Parents would do anything to make their kids happy, to protect their kids. Anything.

And, I kindly did that within these few days. And, seeing my Hana smiled and looked so happy, nothing was more important. No matter what I had to go through, it was nothing compared to that beautiful smile.

Yet, I can’t expect the same thing from other people. So, being a parent differs from one person and another. No expectation is a lot better than the contrary.

What makes me happy about being a parent might be something that make other parents irritated. And, what they find enjoyable being parents might also be something that I can’t stand.

So, being a parent, you can’t be judgmental about other parents’ opinion or decision. No, you can’t.

By the way, I like the new series, Parenthood.

One thing for sure. Getting your tooth taken is worse than giving birth — talking about the take and give here ;). After a labor, you have a gorgeous little baby with you. Yet, this…no baby. No tooth! What you’ve got is only gum that hurts a lot. And, yes, of course, blood.

Now I’m eating rice congee. Not actually eating it, I simply swallow it.

Mom made her famous delicious risoles and sent some for me. And, there is no way I can eat them. Not even one!

Too much complaining, aren’t I? But, hey, I think I have the right to do so. Considering that I have just lost a tooth. Oh my, it still hurts. Hm…yes, I have taken the pills that the dentist gave me. Hope they do their job well. They did this afternoon.

Now, will you excuse me, I need to take a rest — although, to be honest, writing and/or working helps get rid of the pain a bit.

[Picture by Tory Byrne]

I dreamed of my grandma last night and it was kinda painful bcoz, again, we had to be separated. We both cried. And, I miss her so much now. You know what, an Indonesian psychic, Mama Lauren, just passed away. And she did look like my grandma. Well, I don’t know what seems to be the connection between the two facts that I wrote just now. But, I just happened to watched on TV the news about her passing.

And, I just did what I always hate to do. I had to teach my daughter a lesson that buying snacks, of which you don’t know the ingredients, from the hawkers might be dangerous. I wished I didn’t have to be that angry, but it was for her own good. Yet, before she went to school, I kissed her all over and she hugged me.

And, I’m reading this wonderful classic book translated to Indonesian by a good friend and published by Orange Books — of which my other good friend is the CEO — titled Pollyanna. I’m glad that they decided to translate and publish this book.

The main character, Pollyanna — of course it’s her, otherwise the title would be someone else’s name — has this wonderful game, the Glad Game. About being happy and grateful about your life even if there are some misfortunes ahead of you.

Frankly speaking, there are things that I’m not grateful about. And, now I learn a lot from that girl, Pollyanna. I’ll be trying to play the Glad Game so my morning posts at this blog won’t be all about me grumbling. But, hey, I’d rather spill it out, than carry them all out like the kid on the picture.

Oh, I miss my grandma and daughter now. *sigh*

[Picture by: Asif Akbar]