Nadiah Alwi

In less than 20 days, I will be moving into a rented house. A very small one of 4 x 12 m, with 2 small bedrooms, 1 small bathroom, 1 small living room, and 1 small space where I can cook and do the dishes. Tiny mini house that I think I’ll turn out into my heaven.

I have bought window curtains for the living room and bedrooms. I’ll take a pic of them in a few days now. They’re so cute!

Since I am excited about decorating the house, I’m gonna start collecting beautiful pics of houses that might inspire me.

Here are some of them:

Soon it will be Idul Fitri. As usual, I bake cookies. One of them is kaastengel. Most Indonesians love this particular kind of cookies.

It’s actually a popular cookie from the Netherlands. Made of Edam cheese, butter, flour, and yolk.

It’s definitely my favorite cookie!

There is one thing in my life that I can consider a comfort zone. Maybe because there is such a certainty there.

But it’s been a while I don’t feel comfortable there. Many things bother me. Everything seems to go wrong.

To be honest, I’d rather leave it. But, somehow, as I said earlier, it somehow eases my life. I know, I can get it from other places. But these other places that I have in mind might offer such an uncertainty which could make me feel uncomfortable.

Complicated, rite?

It is.

Well, it could be uncomplicated, I know. But, hey, I am not a good decision maker. So…I think, comme d’habitude, just let the condition makes the decision for me. Whether I should stay or leave.

What I love with English is it has two different terms one can use to define a place where he/she lives in. Why is it so important for me? Because, I feel like now I live in a house which I cannot call home. And, for me, that is quite sad. Because, previously, I did call it home.

I used to live here since I was three days young up to one week after my marriege which was when I was 26 years old. After the marriage, I rent a house. But then, about two years later, I had to go back to this house for some reasons.

And, now, after almost four years living here again, I feel like there is such a big gap between me and this house. We both, in a certain way, distance ourselves from each other.

Me with my big desire to have a house of my own, and the house itself with its different proprietor.

Actually, there are many things that make me sad about living here. One of them is how this house reminds me a lot of my late beloved grandparents. Yes, it was their home, with me in it. Now that they are gone and this house providing various memories on each of its corners, the comfot I used to feel has gone.

I also have this big dream of my own house. A big dream of a small comfy house. I don’t need a big one, because I know I have only little time and energy to clean up the whole house. And, I also want it to be warm. It’s not that big house cannot provide warmness. It can, but with lots of members of family living in it. I wish to have it with my small nuclear family, consisting of not more than 4 persons, hubby, me, my daughter, and maybe my second child.

I don’t know how, but I still hope and pray that one day, this beautiful dream will come true. With the love of Allah, insya Allah, I will have a place that I can call home — again.

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

I like this kind of books. You know, the books that talk about pain, about how one deals with death and stuff. Especially, it’s a teen book. I don’t know why, but I enjoy reading books talking about teenagers. About how they deal with life and everything.

I have a certain feeling about death. It always gives me such a deep emotion. Either it’s family or friends. I need days, weeks, months, or even weeks to understand the fact that someone I know, care about, or love, pass away.

That is why, I understand completely how Francis might have felt. Especially since his Dad chose to die by suicide. Shocking.

It’s a great book for those interested in how people deal with death. Not only is there Francis’ story on how he sees his father’s passing, but also his Mom and Luc, his younger brother.

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